It’s not ok
It’s Not Ok
It has always amazed me the way that we teach kids to apologize. I mean, it completely makes sense that we want to teach kids manners and that forgiveness is important.
But idea of saying to a frustrated child, “Now Johnny, say you’re sorry.”
“Sorry” – they mutter while pouting.
“It’s ok” the other child states meekly.
Watching this forced encounter reminds me how difficult the concept of forgiveness really is.
Not just for the kids.
To truly ask for forgiveness and then to offer it is one of the most difficult parts of relating to other humans.
I mean – saying the words isn’t that hard.
But truly wanting forgiveness and deeply offering forgiveness is an intense and crucial process.
I recently heard someone point out how often people respond to someone saying “I’m sorry” with “it’s ok” rather than “I forgive you”.
Think about it… when is the last time someone said, “I forgive you” when you apologized?
I’ve come to realize how helpful and powerful expressing forgiveness really is.
Think about what Jesus said in John 20:
If you forgive anyone’s sins, their sins are forgiven; if you do not forgive them, they are not forgiven. – Jesus
From what Jesus is saying, it sounds like the role of offering true forgiveness is even more important than role of the person who may (or may not) be asking for forgiveness.
Right before saying this to his disciples, Jesus pulls an Aslan and literally breaths onto these men and women.
He then expresses that he has given them the Holy Spirit.
Jesus is saying:
“Now that you have had holy breath in your face, you now have my Spirit with you. So you have the authority to forgive others on my behalf.”
Jesus doesn’t just mean forgiving those who have wronged you… but offering God’s forgiveness period!
With holy breath comes holy responsibility.
Here are some things I think we need to be intentional about when it comes to forgiveness:
1. We need to realize that it’s not ok.
It isn’t ok to hurt each other. It isn’t ok to hurt and offend God.
We will continue to do both of these things all the time, but that doesn’t make them ok.
Saying “it’s ok” is dismissing these actions as though the pain or the offense isn’t real.
2. We need to ask for forgiveness.
Don’t just feel bad for ways you have hurt others. Actually tell them you are sorry. When they, typically, say “it’s ok”, respond by saying, “no, it’s not, so will you forgive me?”
3. Express your forgiveness, but only if you mean it.
There have been times when I have told someone with my words that I forgave them when I hadn’t done so in my heart. That has the potential to cheapen the power of forgiveness that Jesus describes.
A few times I have expressed to someone that I want to forgive them and I will, but I have to make sure my heart is there and I will come back to them when I know I can forgive them and mean it.
4. Forgive others on Gods behalf.
I know this can be a strange thing to consider. However, Jesus promised that he would always be with us and that his Spirit makes it’s home in us.
The incarnational reality is that we get the chance to be a physical representation of the forgiveness that God offers to anyone who wants it.
In my house we have a practice that anyone who feels that they have wronged God can come to anyone else in our community and confess what they have done.
We then offer forgiveness to them, the forgiveness that God already has offered, but that we get the chance to express on God’s behalf.
Looking into the eyes of someone who knows me and loves me and hearing them express God’s forgiveness to me has been some of the most profound spiritual experiences in my life.
Forgiveness is a powerful force when it comes to combatting the darkness that wants to overtake our lives and our relationships.
So let’s not miss out on an opportunity to forgive and be forgiven!
It’s Not Ok
It has always amazed me the way that we teach kids to apologize. I mean, it completely makes sense that we want to teach kids manners and that forgiveness is important.
But idea of saying to a frustrated child, “Now Johnny, say you’re sorry.”
“Sorry” – they mutter while pouting.
“It’s ok” the other child states meekly.
Watching this forced encounter reminds me how difficult the concept of forgiveness really is.
Not just for the kids.
To truly ask for forgiveness and then to offer it is one of the most difficult parts of relating to other humans.
I mean – saying the words isn’t that hard.
But truly wanting forgiveness and deeply offering forgiveness is an intense and crucial process.
I recently heard someone point out how often people respond to someone saying “I’m sorry” with “it’s ok” rather than “I forgive you”.
Think about it… when is the last time someone said, “I forgive you” when you apologized?
I’ve come to realize how helpful and powerful expressing forgiveness really is.
Think about what Jesus said in John 20:
If you forgive anyone’s sins, their sins are forgiven; if you do not forgive them, they are not forgiven. – Jesus
From what Jesus is saying, it sounds like the role of offering true forgiveness is even more important than role of the person who may (or may not) be asking for forgiveness.
Right before saying this to his disciples, Jesus pulls an Aslan and literally breaths onto these men and women.
He then expresses that he has given them the Holy Spirit.
Jesus is saying:
“Now that you have had holy breath in your face, you now have my Spirit with you. So you have the authority to forgive others on my behalf.”
Jesus doesn’t just mean forgiving those who have wronged you… but offering God’s forgiveness period!
With holy breath comes holy responsibility.
Here are some things I think we need to be intentional about when it comes to forgiveness:
1. We need to realize that it’s not ok.
It isn’t ok to hurt each other. It isn’t ok to hurt and offend God.
We will continue to do both of these things all the time, but that doesn’t make them ok.
Saying “it’s ok” is dismissing these actions as though the pain or the offense isn’t real.
2. We need to ask for forgiveness.
Don’t just feel bad for ways you have hurt others. Actually tell them you are sorry. When they, typically, say “it’s ok”, respond by saying, “no, it’s not, so will you forgive me?”
3. Express your forgiveness, but only if you mean it.
There have been times when I have told someone with my words that I forgave them when I hadn’t done so in my heart. That has the potential to cheapen the power of forgiveness that Jesus describes.
A few times I have expressed to someone that I want to forgive them and I will, but I have to make sure my heart is there and I will come back to them when I know I can forgive them and mean it.
4. Forgive others on Gods behalf.
I know this can be a strange thing to consider. However, Jesus promised that he would always be with us and that his Spirit makes it’s home in us.
The incarnational reality is that we get the chance to be a physical representation of the forgiveness that God offers to anyone who wants it.
In my house we have a practice that anyone who feels that they have wronged God can come to anyone else in our community and confess what they have done.
We then offer forgiveness to them, the forgiveness that God already has offered, but that we get the chance to express on God’s behalf.
Looking into the eyes of someone who knows me and loves me and hearing them express God’s forgiveness to me has been some of the most profound spiritual experiences in my life.
Forgiveness is a powerful force when it comes to combatting the darkness that wants to overtake our lives and our relationships.