How to Unleash Your Inner Sexy
How to Unleash Your Inner Sexy
Justin Timberlake doesn’t have a corner on this market. Trust me.
This may sound strange, but as a pastor, I have the opportunity to help people “unleash their inner sexy” all the time.
What I mean is this: Many times I have seen people step out of a “woe is me, I will never find love” attitude into a “I am worthy and valuable of love and I am not going to settle for less than God’s best” attitude.
I know Christians can be afraid of using the word “sexy” in public, but I have used it in sermons so I’m not afraid to here.
We all want to be sexy.
We all want to be someone others are drawn to… God made us this way. I want to suggest that GOD wants you to be sexy as long as it’s in the right situation and with his Kingdom in mind.
I am a huge advocate for how life as a single person can bring glory to God and be an empowering season for the Kingdom of God.
However, many of us find ourselves with a deep sense that God might want a long term relationship for us, or a spouse. Is it possible to live as a whole person while your single, but also to unleash your inner sexiness?
YES.
1. Pursue wholeness in your life.
A friend of mine, Heather Flies, often says: “In relationships, 1 + 1 = 1. One whole person, plus one whole person equals one whole relationship.”
If you think that you need a mate to make you whole. You need to stop right there and put first things first. A huge part of my early 20s as a single person was asking God to use my relationship with God, my community, and my experiences to help me develop into the woman God created me to be.
This is hard work and takes a lot of surrender. However, this is the best thing you can do in your life to be prepared to join it with another person’s life. Not to mention to be prepared to bring more lives into the world.
Someone who is not whole… is not sexy.
The kind of people YOU want to attract are whole people who have their lives together, who know who they are, are intentional with their choices and seek the Kingdom of God, right?
If you are a whole person, you find other whole people attractive and visa versa.
Becoming a whole person unleashes your inner sexy.
2. Be sure that a long term relationship is what you actually want.
You might be saying, “of course this is what I want, that’s why I am reading this post”! I want to suggest this may not be true.
What you really want is:
- To not be lonely.
- To get affirmation from the opposite sex.
- To have interesting stories to tell at dinner parties about your guy or gal.
- To not have to go to weddings/other events stag.
- To feel whole because you didn’t take point #1 seriously.
I’ve felt every one of these feelings during my long tenure in singleness. It’s almost impossible not to.
But that doesn’t make these good reasons to pursue a committed relationship.
Better reasons are:
- Being ready to lay down your life for another person and to know you will have to be more like Jesus when you surrender your life in this way.
- You feel like partnering with another person in your life would help you serve God better and empower you to love others in the name of Jesus.
Wanting to be in a relationship for the wrong reasons isn’t sexy – it’s desperate.
3. Put yourself out there.
If you are whole in your identity, then you believe you are a good catch! If you discern that you are ready to step towards commitment – put yourself out there.
When I was 24 I let people that I trust know that I was ready to be set up with others who they thought were ready as well. I had a good series of blind dates throughout my 20s, most of them were fun and interesting, a few were awkward, but all were worth the experience.
When I was 29 I signed up for eHarmony. I had trusted mentors and friends who supported me in putting myself out there in this way and helped me to make wise decisions and have good boundaries.
I have seen many healthy relationships come from online dating, including the one I am in now. In my church alone I have seen quite a few successful marriages and families start with the internet as a meeting point.
There is also this strange reality that I have seen multiple times: people begin relationships with people they met at church, or on a blind date only a few months after they sign up for online dating.
If you are interested in someone, ask them out for coffee and get to know them better. Don’t write people off for petty things until you hear more of their story. A spark might come from a few conversations even if it’s not there initially from afar. If the spark isn’t there, move on and don’t drag it on.
In my opinion – either gender can initiate a date. Period.
Putting yourself out there as a healthy, whole person unleashes your inner sexy.
4. Realize the kind of person you really want to be with long term might not be who you initially think you’re looking for.
A lot of people, of both genders, have a list. You know – the list of what you want in a significant other or spouse. Some of us write them down, others carry them in our minds.
I want everyone to add this to their list:
Someone who will empower me to serve God better together, with their support, than I could on my own.
Most of us have prayed prayers asking God to bring that special someone into our life. There are a lot of reasons that God does or doesn’t bring that person having to do with timing and God’s purposes for your life.
Jesus made it clear that we are supposed to seek first the Kingdom of God, if we want the other gifts God has for us in life.
Make sure your list includes what you think will help you pursue the Kingdom of God.
Perhaps:
- knows how to plan a good date
- shares my hobbies
- is taller than/shorter than me
- has a good taste in movies
Will be trumped by:
- knows how to give me perspective on what God is doing
- can trust God when I can’t seem to
- listens to me sort out my feelings out loud
- has compassion for the least of these
Those last four describe the guy I am now dating and in all honesty, they weren’t originally on my list.
Seeking the Kingdom of God unleashes your inner sexy.
Trust me – I’ve seen it too many times to count!
How to Unleash Your Inner Sexy
Justin Timberlake doesn’t have a corner on this market. Trust me.
This may sound strange, but as a pastor, I have the opportunity to help people “unleash their inner sexy” all the time.
What I mean is this: Many times I have seen people step out of a “woe is me, I will never find love” attitude into a “I am worthy and valuable of love and I am not going to settle for less than God’s best” attitude.
I know Christians can be afraid of using the word “sexy” in public, but I have used it in sermons so I’m not afraid to here.
We all want to be sexy.
We all want to be someone others are drawn to… God made us this way. I want to suggest that GOD wants you to be sexy as long as it’s in the right situation and with his Kingdom in mind.
I am a huge advocate for how life as a single person can bring glory to God and be an empowering season for the Kingdom of God.
However, many of us find ourselves with a deep sense that God might want a long term relationship for us, or a spouse. Is it possible to live as a whole person while your single, but also to unleash your inner sexiness?
YES.
1. Pursue wholeness in your life.
A friend of mine, Heather Flies, often says: “In relationships, 1 + 1 = 1. One whole person, plus one whole person equals one whole relationship.”
If you think that you need a mate to make you whole. You need to stop right there and put first things first. A huge part of my early 20s as a single person was asking God to use my relationship with God, my community, and my experiences to help me develop into the woman God created me to be.
This is hard work and takes a lot of surrender. However, this is the best thing you can do in your life to be prepared to join it with another person’s life. Not to mention to be prepared to bring more lives into the world.
Someone who is not whole… is not sexy.
The kind of people YOU want to attract are whole people who have their lives together, who know who they are, are intentional with their choices and seek the Kingdom of God, right?
If you are a whole person, you find other whole people attractive and visa versa.
Becoming a whole person unleashes your inner sexy.
2. Be sure that a long term relationship is what you actually want.
You might be saying, “of course this is what I want, that’s why I am reading this post”! I want to suggest this may not be true.
What you really want is:
- To not be lonely.
- To get affirmation from the opposite sex.
- To have interesting stories to tell at dinner parties about your guy or gal.
- To not have to go to weddings/other events stag.
- To feel whole because you didn’t take point #1 seriously.
I’ve felt every one of these feelings during my long tenure in singleness. It’s almost impossible not to.
But that doesn’t make these good reasons to pursue a committed relationship.
Better reasons are:
- Being ready to lay down your life for another person and to know you will have to be more like Jesus when you surrender your life in this way.
- You feel like partnering with another person in your life would help you serve God better and empower you to love others in the name of Jesus.
Wanting to be in a relationship for the wrong reasons isn’t sexy – it’s desperate.
3. Put yourself out there.
If you are whole in your identity, then you believe you are a good catch! If you discern that you are ready to step towards commitment – put yourself out there.
When I was 24 I let people that I trust know that I was ready to be set up with others who they thought were ready as well. I had a good series of blind dates throughout my 20s, most of them were fun and interesting, a few were awkward, but all were worth the experience.
When I was 29 I signed up for eHarmony. I had trusted mentors and friends who supported me in putting myself out there in this way and helped me to make wise decisions and have good boundaries.
I have seen many healthy relationships come from online dating, including the one I am in now. In my church alone I have seen quite a few successful marriages and families start with the internet as a meeting point.
There is also this strange reality that I have seen multiple times: people begin relationships with people they met at church, or on a blind date only a few months after they sign up for online dating.
If you are interested in someone, ask them out for coffee and get to know them better. Don’t write people off for petty things until you hear more of their story. A spark might come from a few conversations even if it’s not there initially from afar. If the spark isn’t there, move on and don’t drag it on.
In my opinion – either gender can initiate a date. Period.
Putting yourself out there as a healthy, whole person unleashes your inner sexy.
4. Realize the kind of person you really want to be with long term might not be who you initially think you’re looking for.
A lot of people, of both genders, have a list. You know – the list of what you want in a significant other or spouse. Some of us write them down, others carry them in our minds.
I want everyone to add this to their list:
Someone who will empower me to serve God better together, with their support, than I could on my own.
Most of us have prayed prayers asking God to bring that special someone into our life. There are a lot of reasons that God does or doesn’t bring that person having to do with timing and God’s purposes for your life.
Jesus made it clear that we are supposed to seek first the Kingdom of God, if we want the other gifts God has for us in life.
Make sure your list includes what you think will help you pursue the Kingdom of God.
Perhaps:
- knows how to plan a good date
- shares my hobbies
- is taller than/shorter than me
- has a good taste in movies
Will be trumped by:
- knows how to give me perspective on what God is doing
- can trust God when I can’t seem to
- listens to me sort out my feelings out loud
- has compassion for the least of these
Those last four describe the guy I am now dating and in all honesty, they weren’t originally on my list.
Seeking the Kingdom of God unleashes your inner sexy.
Trust me – I’ve seen it too many times to count!
Another great post, Pastor Steph. Thanks for encouraging singles. This is right on! God has transformed me during my many years as a single mom. If God does have someone in the future for me when my daughter is old enough, I now have a different perspective and know He would bring someone into my life only if that person would help me to serve God in a greater capacity. Other than that, it’s in God’s hands (and I threw away my ever-growing list!).
I’m married however this is the best article/advice I’ve seen in this topic. So so good.