How Being Single on Valentine’s Day Doesn’t have to Suck
How Being Single on Valentine’s Day Doesn’t have to Suck
I was single for 29 Valentine’s Days in a row. I know life as an infant shouldn’t count towards this number – but it feels like it should when you are 26 or 27 years and counting!
Being single on a day that elevates those who aren’t can be very difficult. I know that first hand. However, I also know that this doesn’t have to be your reality.
If you are climbing through the double digits like I was, you might ask how can this be possible? Here are four things to keep in mind that have helped me:
1. You don’t have to endure the three rows at Target that look like they are covered in pink and red vomit from cupid himself.
I have walked past those isles watching the near panic that ensues (especially if someone is still shopping on the 14th). It may seem simple, but appreciating that this doesn’t need to be you can be empowering. Also – it doesn’t need to be you in the future when you aren’t single. The consumerism around all this is massive and unnecessary.
2. Just because you may find yourself home alone on Valentine’s Day, doesn’t mean you are actually alone.
There is one reason that many people are home on Valentine’s Day… to go out that night is a huge mistake. You even have to wait in line at Chipotle! Forget it – with or without a date!
Yes, some people are single well into their 30s and 40s. Others are single because they lost their spouse to death or divorce. But please don’t believe the lie that you are alone or that you are the only one. My mom has been widowed for 14 years and though her relationship with my dad was a great one, she has lived life to the full!
You are not the only one who is “still single” at ____ (fill in your age here). Make plans with others who would love company that night and don’t bother with all the fuss.
3. Valentine’s Day is a let down for more than just singles.
With all the weird pressures put on this one day a year, no doubt many people are disappointed. They didn’t get treated how they hoped, they didn’t get the awe struck reaction they were hoping for. The list could go on. But there are also others who find this day really difficult and some perspective can really help. For instance:
- People who can’t be with their spouse or significant other because they are serving in the military or overseas.
- People with young (or even older kids). For most couples, there are only a few precious years to lavish each other with a special night out.
- Couples who can’t afford to shower each other with gifts and nights out on the town.
- People who are married, but feel even more alone in their relationship than if they were single.
4. Ask yourself every year if you are making the most of your single life.
As a followers of Jesus (a single man) this might be one of the most important questions a single person could ask themselves. The Apostle Paul (also single), makes a good case in his letters for devoting yourself fully to God during your time as a single person.
Fact: you can’t fully give your heart and your mind to God when you begin to pursue a lifelong commitment to a spouse. (1 Corinthians 7:32-35).
Not because marriage is wrong or not part of God’s plan – this is just a reality.
I believe that both life as a married person and a single person are good options in the Kingdom of God. The worst thing we can do is to keep ourselves from stepping fully into the season God has for us because of self pity.
Many singles I know, myself included in that season of my life, in their minds and their actions are pining away at imaginary future relationships or in meaningless flirty encounters that you know are going nowhere.
They aren’t fully devoted to God.
They have their hearts split between God and an unnecessary fixation in their minds.
I would suggest ANY season of singleness is an opportunity given to you to be fully devoted to God.
Is it hard to live the single life that way? Yes.
Is it hard to live life serving another person in marriage? Every person I have ever talked to says: YES!
All seasons of life are difficult and require a lot or prayer and surrender to God.
Valentines Day doesn’t have to suck.
Being single doesn’t have to suck.
Be encouraged – God has a purpose for every stage of your life.
And let’s ALL let cupid keep his pink vomit to himself.
What has encouraged you when Valentine’s Day has been a let down?
How Being Single on Valentine’s Day Doesn’t have to Suck
I was single for 29 Valentine’s Days in a row. I know life as an infant shouldn’t count towards this number – but it feels like it should when you are 26 or 27 years and counting!
Being single on a day that elevates those who aren’t can be very difficult. I know that first hand. However, I also know that this doesn’t have to be your reality.
If you are climbing through the double digits like I was, you might ask how can this be possible? Here are four things to keep in mind that have helped me:
1. You don’t have to endure the three rows at Target that look like they are covered in pink and red vomit from cupid himself.
I have walked past those isles watching the near panic that ensues (especially if someone is still shopping on the 14th). It may seem simple, but appreciating that this doesn’t need to be you can be empowering. Also – it doesn’t need to be you in the future when you aren’t single. The consumerism around all this is massive and unnecessary.
2. Just because you may find yourself home alone on Valentine’s Day, doesn’t mean you are actually alone.
There is one reason that many people are home on Valentine’s Day… to go out that night is a huge mistake. You even have to wait in line at Chipotle! Forget it – with or without a date!
Yes, some people are single well into their 30s and 40s. Others are single because they lost their spouse to death or divorce. But please don’t believe the lie that you are alone or that you are the only one. My mom has been widowed for 14 years and though her relationship with my dad was a great one, she has lived life to the full!
You are not the only one who is “still single” at ____ (fill in your age here). Make plans with others who would love company that night and don’t bother with all the fuss.
3. Valentine’s Day is a let down for more than just singles.
With all the weird pressures put on this one day a year, no doubt many people are disappointed. They didn’t get treated how they hoped, they didn’t get the awe struck reaction they were hoping for. The list could go on. But there are also others who find this day really difficult and some perspective can really help. For instance:
- People who can’t be with their spouse or significant other because they are serving in the military or overseas.
- People with young (or even older kids). For most couples, there are only a few precious years to lavish each other with a special night out.
- Couples who can’t afford to shower each other with gifts and nights out on the town.
- People who are married, but feel even more alone in their relationship than if they were single.
4. Ask yourself every year if you are making the most of your single life.
As a followers of Jesus (a single man) this might be one of the most important questions a single person could ask themselves. The Apostle Paul (also single), makes a good case in his letters for devoting yourself fully to God during your time as a single person.
Fact: you can’t fully give your heart and your mind to God when you begin to pursue a lifelong commitment to a spouse. (1 Corinthians 7:32-35).
Not because marriage is wrong or not part of God’s plan – this is just a reality.
I believe that both life as a married person and a single person are good options in the Kingdom of God. The worst thing we can do is to keep ourselves from stepping fully into the season God has for us because of self pity.
Many singles I know, myself included in that season of my life, in their minds and their actions are pining away at imaginary future relationships or in meaningless flirty encounters that you know are going nowhere.
They aren’t fully devoted to God.
They have their hearts split between God and an unnecessary fixation in their minds.
I would suggest ANY season of singleness is an opportunity given to you to be fully devoted to God.
Is it hard to live the single life that way? Yes.
Is it hard to live life serving another person in marriage? Every person I have ever talked to says: YES!
All seasons of life are difficult and require a lot or prayer and surrender to God.
Valentines Day doesn’t have to suck.
Being single doesn’t have to suck.
Be encouraged – God has a purpose for every stage of your life.
And let’s ALL let cupid keep his pink vomit to himself.
What has encouraged you when Valentine’s Day has been a let down?
Steph, I love your words. A few years ago, I started a tradition of sending “love notes” to those people who I had seen show love well that year. Just a way of telling them that they were recognized, and I loved to see them love. Some were people who had loved their kids well, some were managers who had loved their staff well, some were friends who had loved their community well. Whatever it was, it felt great to acknowledge it, and take off the pressure of what this day “should be” to what it “could be”. 🙂 Thanks for sharing!!
I love that Alissa! Traditions like that should be celebrated when single or otherwise. Narrowing true and deep love to romantic relationships will leave anyone disappointed.
This is by far the best article I have ever seen about Valentine’s Day–for both singles and marrieds and anyone in between! I was so encouraged to read what you wrote, and I agree wholeheartedly because I’ve been unhappy on Valentine’s Day both as a married and now as a divorced woman, and why? Valentine’s Day is overrated. We need to focus on what’s truly important in life and that is the love of our Savior, no matter our status. Last Valentine’s Day it really began to sink in as I purposely enjoyed a night alone basking in Christ’s love for me, reading His word, and letting my heart fill up with His presence. And this year? It’s a day I look forward to because I get to be with my Savior–without distraction. That’s a gift of my singleness. Thanks, Pastor Steph, and I always enjoy the little stories your share about your mom. Those inspire me as a single mom of 7 years now.
Nicole,
Your story is inspiring as well! May today be a great day, just because it’s another day to live life to the full! I will be sure to let my mom know how encouraging her story is. She is the most empowering person I know!
Peace,
Steph