The Time I Almost Gave Up

For over 13 years I had a headache almost every day.

Some days it was one of those dull achy, “you can keep going, but it puts a cloud over your day” type of headaches.

Other days it was a piercing, “turn off the lights and hope no one makes a sound” type of headaches.

Sometimes it was in-between. But never-the-less, the pain was with me daily.

There was no good explanation for the cause. Probably “a mixture of genetics, hormones, too many concussions playing ice hockey and seasonal allergies” one of the many neurologists explained to me during one visit.

Over the years I had tried & tested everything:

But in the end, the pain was getting worse and worse.

It was then, that I almost gave up.

I was 27 years old and I had resigned myself to crippling chronic pain for the rest of my life. Many nights I was in bed by 8 or 9pm seeking a dark room and praying for an end to the pounding. I began to research pain management clinics in the area.

What happened next could easily be a lesson in what it means to find a silver bullet:

My friend Monica begged me to see her Chiropractor. I told her that I had already tried that in the past. She got to the point where she threatened to physically force me to give it a try before I gave in and gave it a shot.

I drove to the clinic that day feeling little to no amount of hope whatsoever. I don’t remember feeling more defeated at any other time of my life. I explained to this chiropractor, a very eccentric woman, the experience of the last 13 years.

A combination of sticking to this chiropractor’s recommendation and treatment, weaning myself off of useless headache medication and significant changes in my diet have resulted in huge changes for me. At this point I have perhaps one headache a week, a MIRACLE from my vantage point. God came through in this story as healer.

I don’t think what I learned was a lesson in finding the silver bullet.

There are lots of times that healing comes through things we have yet to discover, a doctor, a treatment or a cure. Sometimes God brings super natural healing. Other times, we continue on without that healing coming to us.

When I think about these last 4 years – what seems to scream at me from my past is this question:

What if I had given up?

I was so close to giving up, I really was.

In other areas of my life, I still feel this temptation. I want to believe that everything could be different in a moment when I trust in the God of the impossible. But I am so tempted to give up.

God might not answer every prayer the way I want him to and may not change every circumstance I hope will be different – but does this give me permission to give up trying? To give up hoping? To cease to cry out to a God who loves me?

Some days it’s tempting.

What areas of life are you tempted to give up?

What longing has turned from hope to despair?

There is one thing I know for certain: We follow a God who doesn’t give up on us, even when we give up on him.