How are you… really?

If someone were to enter many of our cultures from the outside and try and understand how we greet each other, I think they would be very confused.

For instance, we often greet each other in the form of a question:

What’s up?

How are ya?

How are you doin’?

How have you been?

The questions aren’t the confusing part, the standard responses are:

Good.

Fine.

Goin’ well.

It’s not possible that people are indeed “good” and “fine” as often as they give this response. This is not a bad thing. It’s something most of us have accepted about our culture. No one really wants to hear all that is going on with you when they are merely giving a greeting.

“Hey, what’s up?” “Actually, I’m glad you asked, I have been getting this terrible leg cramp! Must not be getting enough potassium.”

“How are ya?” “I was good till my in laws came into town. If I have to hear my father-in-law talk about his model trains for one more minute I’m gonna explode!”

I personally would consider these responses an “over share”.

Most of us are asked some form of “how are you” multiple times a day… but who is asking, “How are you… really?”

This question is at the core of what is important about our “in” relationships.

In the last two posts, I’ve invited you to think through with me what it would look like to be intentional about growing in our “up” relationship with God, our “in” relationships with our communities and our “out” relationships with those in the world we are called to love.

Dietrich Bonheoffer in his book Life Together expresses that having the presence of others we trust in our lives brings both joy and strength. Some of us are at a place in life right now where joy and strength are difficult to come by. Growing in our “in” relationships is a place to discover the support God intends for us.

Would you be willing to experiment with me and choose one new intentional practice this summer to grow in your “in” relationships with the people who support you in your life? It will take intentionality, but it’s worth it!

Here are some ideas to get us started:

• Home Team – Shauna Niequist in her book Bittersweet talks about the importance of identifying who is on your “home team” and being intentional about those relationships. Those who are more extraverted run the risk of many surface friendships and few or no deep relationships. Others might need to invite one or two others to the team. Keep track this summer of how much intentional time and effort you give to those who are on your “team”.
• Time Away – You may have one or two people who are outside your family, but who really know you and who you deeply trust. Plan a night away for some time this summer to ask each other good questions including: How are you… really? Some fun planned in is important as well!
• Strategic Breakfast – Some of my guy friends meet once a week before work to check in with each other and figure out if there are ways to support each other. They call it “strategic breakfast”. Consider that rhythm with a few close friends this summer
• Weekly Email – Often those who you trust the most aren’t in proximity to you or schedules won’t allow for connecting in person regularly. With a few close friends, commit to sending weekly email updates answering the question: How are you… really?
• Intentional Walks – Set a rhythm over the summer of weekly or every other week walks with a friend. Bring the dog or push the kids in a stroller, but be intentional to ask the questions that are important to each of you in this season.
• Family Dinners – Some of my friends have decided to open their home one night a week this summer to invite their others to come eat with them. This is a great option for  families with kids. Trade off hosting each week and make this an intentional way to connect with others you trust this summer.

What other ideas would you add? What helps you grow in your relationships with your close friends?