Lose Your Life
Twelve years ago this month, I gave away my life.
It was more than an ah-ha moment or a new outlook on my life. I gave my entire life away. Total and complete surrender. It also happened to be the day I began to truly find it.
Then Jesus said to his disciples, “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will find it.” // Matthew 16:24-25 //
Twelve years ago this month is when I truly became a disciple. It was following the most difficult and heart-wrenching summer of my life when I sat with my dad and held his hand as he took his last breath. Nearly a decade of a battle against a rare lung disease: lost.
My dad was a wonderful man, not perfect by any means, but he was a good father and followed God in his ministry as a pastor and a leader with passion and humility. Losing someone that you are so close to is always difficult, and a different experience for everyone who has to go through it. For me, my dad just “got” me. All of us come to a point where we realize no one truly gets what goes on inside of us, but those with whom we are similar or who are insightful begin to understand us from the inside out. That was what it was like with my dad. Losing him not only felt like losing a father, a friend, a cheerleader, a mentor but also losing an understanding of myself.
The temptation was strong to walk away from God during this time. If a man who had given everything to God could lose his life at 50, then what’s the point? So I had a choice, would I walk away with heavy heart, or would I let God lead me through the darkest time of my life?
I chose to follow through the darkness and I gave my life to God completely in full surrender. When you’ve experienced the fragility of life, holding your own with open hands can bring either fear or freedom. I clung to God’s love and experienced the freedom that comes from surrender. Since that time, twelve years ago, I can’t even express all that God has done. There have been more times of sorrow, pain and loss since I lost my dad; but I began to see God move in powerful ways that display his authority, strength and love.
I have seen God heal, provide, empower and rescue. I have seen visions from God heard God’s voice, though never audible, call me and others to situations and places that we would never be without God’s hand on our lives. I have made it through 40 days without food, 11 years of higher education and 5 years living with and leading hundreds of college students. Then, four years ago, God gave me the incredible opportunity to be a part of starting a church in the great city of Northeast Minneapolis and now owning two homes with residents living together to love each other and their neighborhood in the name of Jesus.
God has moved so powerfully that people who never believed God was real have come to know Jesus, people whose hearts were broken have been made whole and hundreds of kids have been fed weekly who would otherwise go without. I have seen glimpses of the Kingdom of God in our midst.
Over these last twelve years I have spent time with people of many different cultures, ethnicities and backgrounds and have seen God bring unity and reconciliation. I have been able to love people with an overflow of God’s love; victims of AIDS, those in poverty and people who were told that God didn’t love them because of their sexual orientation. I’ve spoken to groups with ex-cons, former prostitutes and addicts as their members and witnessed how God has radically changed their lives.
I believe I have experienced all this because when I gave away my life, I truly began to find it.
Now I’ll tell you where I can be found: on Adams Street living with the crazy dog you see above and six wonderful women on a mission of love. I can be found leading a church that isn’t really led by us, but actually led by Jesus, to love our community in Jesus’ name. You can find me hanging out with and loving my neighbors, praying through the streets and following Jesus as closely as I can.
As I look back over these last twelve years, the stories of God’s movement could go on forever. God has led me to tell these stories, and the new ones formed each day, in many venues. I feel compelled by God to let this blog be a place where I will write the story when I get the chance to see God move.
When I gave away my life, it was then that I began to truly find it. It was then, that I began to see God move. Now, it’s amazing to tell the story.
Twelve years ago this month, I gave away my life.
It was more than an ah-ha moment or a new outlook on my life. I gave my entire life away. Total and complete surrender. It also happened to be the day I began to truly find it.
Then Jesus said to his disciples, “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will find it.” // Matthew 16:24-25 //
Twelve years ago this month is when I truly became a disciple. It was following the most difficult and heart-wrenching summer of my life when I sat with my dad and held his hand as he took his last breath. Nearly a decade of a battle against a rare lung disease: lost.
My dad was a wonderful man, not perfect by any means, but he was a good father and followed God in his ministry as a pastor and a leader with passion and humility. Losing someone that you are so close to is always difficult, and a different experience for everyone who has to go through it. For me, my dad just “got” me. All of us come to a point where we realize no one truly gets what goes on inside of us, but those with whom we are similar or who are insightful begin to understand us from the inside out. That was what it was like with my dad. Losing him not only felt like losing a father, a friend, a cheerleader, a mentor but also losing an understanding of myself.
The temptation was strong to walk away from God during this time. If a man who had given everything to God could lose his life at 50, then what’s the point? So I had a choice, would I walk away with heavy heart, or would I let God lead me through the darkest time of my life?
I chose to follow through the darkness and I gave my life to God completely in full surrender. When you’ve experienced the fragility of life, holding your own with open hands can bring either fear or freedom. I clung to God’s love and experienced the freedom that comes from surrender. Since that time, twelve years ago, I can’t even express all that God has done. There have been more times of sorrow, pain and loss since I lost my dad; but I began to see God move in powerful ways that display his authority, strength and love.
I have seen God heal, provide, empower and rescue. I have seen visions from God heard God’s voice, though never audible, call me and others to situations and places that we would never be without God’s hand on our lives. I have made it through 40 days without food, 11 years of higher education and 5 years living with and leading hundreds of college students. Then, four years ago, God gave me the incredible opportunity to be a part of starting a church in the great city of Northeast Minneapolis and now owning two homes with residents living together to love each other and their neighborhood in the name of Jesus.
God has moved so powerfully that people who never believed God was real have come to know Jesus, people whose hearts were broken have been made whole and hundreds of kids have been fed weekly who would otherwise go without. I have seen glimpses of the Kingdom of God in our midst.
Over these last twelve years I have spent time with people of many different cultures, ethnicities and backgrounds and have seen God bring unity and reconciliation. I have been able to love people with an overflow of God’s love; victims of AIDS, those in poverty and people who were told that God didn’t love them because of their sexual orientation. I’ve spoken to groups with ex-cons, former prostitutes and addicts as their members and witnessed how God has radically changed their lives.
I believe I have experienced all this because when I gave away my life, I truly began to find it.
Now I’ll tell you where I can be found: on Adams Street living with the crazy dog you see above and six wonderful women on a mission of love. I can be found leading a church that isn’t really led by us, but actually led by Jesus, to love our community in Jesus’ name. You can find me hanging out with and loving my neighbors, praying through the streets and following Jesus as closely as I can.
As I look back over these last twelve years, the stories of God’s movement could go on forever. God has led me to tell these stories, and the new ones formed each day, in many venues. I feel compelled by God to let this blog be a place where I will write the story when I get the chance to see God move.
When I gave away my life, it was then that I began to truly find it. It was then, that I began to see God move. Now, it’s amazing to tell the story.
Love this. Love you.
Well done. 🙂
Can’t wait to read your stories!
Can’t wait to read more! So glad we got to see you this weekend! Love you!
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